Connection blues

AAAAARRRGGGHHH! Damned net connection! Disconnects every few minutes and connects only every few hours! Thats why u havent seen any new posts or replies to comments. Sangeeta, u'll have to wait until i reply to ur tag! I dont think there'll be new psots until this connection is chucked and a new one arrives. My bro is thinking abuot DataOne oor Hathway. Any suggestions ppl?

Current mood : Busy! Got a project lined up at NCBS
Curently listening to : No Music, only the tlikitti-tlok sound of this damned keyboard at the cybercafe!

Thinking about thinking!

It was back in my pre-Univ days, the days of CET preparation. (For the non acquainted, CET is a Common Entrance Test for courses in Engg or Medicine, here). Amidst all the hustle bustle, I forgot all about CET and saw myself in a quest for the Ultimate Truth. I'll write about my journey through it, and my conclusions, sometime later. I call it 'The Cry'. (There are reasons for calling it that way. Some of the readers know it)

I hate going into the 'Philosophy mode' (for more reasons than what you may scavenge out of this post). But, recently, when I saw a post on RKat's blog, it sorta kicked back in. He was of the opininion that being philosophically minded, and having abstract desires rather than material ones is superior.(this was in the comments section)

But..... I somehow feel that its the other way round. To me, its a torment when I look at anything beautiful...... Why do I find it beautiful? Is it beautiful indeed, or is it something in MY mind?........ When I feel I'm in love....... what is this feeling? Is it just a series of hormones rushing? ............. when I'm happy about something........ what is this feeling of happiness? Does it mean anything at all?......... When I'm totally surrounded with pleasures, this drive of questioning sets in and kills all the joy, a joy I dunno the purpose for.......... 'What is happiness?'....... 'Why do I need to be happy?'.......... These questions haunt me whenever I'm enjoying something. So..... doesnt a 'mere mortal' (by others' standards) enjoy life better than me?

In reply to that, some say - "A 'mere mortal' enjoys only 'trivial' material pleasures". But, the philosopher's 'abstract' and 'superior' pleasures appear to be equally 'trivial' to me. After all,...... what is the purpose of this questioning of the world we see around? Will it take us ANYWHERE? Does it serve a 'superior' purpose? I dont know! However, I cannot go back to the care-free state I was in before. I want to be that mere mortal.... but dammit I cant! I just try to shut this m0de off as quickly as I can, before I get conched by the ghastly pictures it portrays.

I usually dont spread my philosophies....... coz, if I convince someone of it,........ then he too will get into this sorry state..... or even worse! So, my advice is.......... stay off this philosophical shit! Once u get into it by your free volition, there's NO WAY OUT.

Ok.... the post is getting long! I'll save some shit for later!

Current Mood : Brave! Trying to face 'The Cry'
Currently listening to : Spaceship Earth - Shiryu (I LOVE his music)

Back to work

I love to do experiments at the planetarium lab. But however, I couldnt for quite a long time, for various reasons, ranging from heartbroken-ness, busy-ness and attending summer lectures at the Planetarium to sleepines and playing AOE2 (Age of Empires II) against my bro.

Now that I'm all settled, (heart is ok, not so busy, summer lectures over, dont feel like sleeping, bored of defeating my bro in AOE2 everytime), I'm goin to the P'rium lab regularly. I have to still verify my equation for the dynamics of the double cone (see bottom portion of pic for the apparatus). And while I'm working out different ways to measure the instantaneous velocity of the cone, the experiments the other guys are doing, suddenly interests me. From next moment on, I'm doin thier expt (dumping my double cone).

Meanwhile, although memories keep resurfacing......both pleasant and not..... I'm handling them better now. I somehow feel I'm back in form .... in almost everything.

Current mood : Rocking, yet a bit of inner torment.
Currently listening to : I cry silenty - Westlife

Memories....

Yesterday, I was helping my bro scan for some missing document in the almirah. We decided to empty the whole thing and reorganize. Doing it was a hectic job, even more so, when everything reminded me of mom. Her sarees, her bangles, the sweet li'l way she had categorized and labelled all stuff in the almirah, the li'l pouch in which she would keep her soap, oil, talc and all, the pleasant smell arising from the pouch................... all this would go away now.......... Although I used to fight with her quite often, all the things she sacrificed for us, comes to mind.

It all reminds me of that day..... when we were trying to wake her up...... Somehow...... I feel guilty.... probably I could have saved her...... Her heart had stopped, but the body was quite warm. I could have done the emergency forced pump. I knew how to do it.... But it didnt flash amidst the trauma. This will stay in my mind.... "I could have saved her". Even before that..... the previous night, when she was very sick, I did not pay much attention to her, as I was preparing for the damned mock Practical exam....... Had I done enough to take care of her? But little did I know that it would turn this way... But still.... Am I justified?

Somebody in my guestbook says that my blog is like a soap opera. If at all it is, it is because my life IS like a soap opera.

Current mood : Nostalgic
Currently listening to : Like Humans Do - David Byrne (Yes I like that song, even though it came free with WinXP)

Hey! Where's all the geeky stuff?

Many of you might have wondered why the blogURL is 'roastedneutrons'. Well, there's a history to that! My brother started a blog with the URL 'neuronsonfire'. (He has stopped blogging). I wanted my blog URL to be somehow related. So, I planned to make mine 'roastedneurons' but accidentally typed 'roastedneu8rons'. Then I realized that I was a Physics student and my blog would be abt the Physics I learn. I thought 'roastedneutrons' (thanks to the typo) would fit the job, for a geeky blog! But.... I havent posted a single thing abt any geeky stuff so far! Somehow... I feel that expressing the non-geekish part of myself is more important to me! And by the way, who would be interested in reading some crap about bra-ket algebra or levi-cevita tensors? (bouncers?)

Current Mood : As happy as happy can happily be (sorry for borrowin ur style suhas!)
Currently listening to : The answer to our life - Backstreet Boys